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From director Peter Jackson comes King Kong, a demographic-conscious marathon of a film extravaganza that’s also a bigger version of the original and also much, much, much longer. To dissenters who didn’t think Jackson could repeat the success of his famous Lord Of The Rings, I’m here to tell you…all about it.
After
meeting Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts) and quickly convincing her to board a
really old ship with a bunch of shifty looking men and sail to Singapore
to make a movie, Carl Denham (Jack Black), a selfish, heartless and, of
course, bigger than life movie director takes off with his crew on a very
long cruise and after a few diversions manages to sail to a place called
Skull Island, an island so secret you need a special map to get there;
actually the map looks like one that sits on your tray when you buy a
McHappy Meal.
After
a crash that unfortunately everyone survives, they disembark and explore
the jagged terrain. They meet a very spooky tribe who immediately turn
nasty (if Jack Black wandered into my living room unannounced I know what
I’d do) but, dash it all, most of them survive again and, surprisingly,
they decide to leave. 
Then
Ann gets kidnapped by the tribe and offered up as a sacrifice. As I picked
some lint off my shirt, Kong appeared and took her away to his love shack
for a little R & R where she entertains him with a few tricks she
picked up in vaudeville; I wanted Kong to find his voice and say “People
pay to watch that?” but he’s actually a gentleman so he just
sniggers behind his comfortable paw and a lady next to me clucked “He
knows how to treat a woman.”
Anyway,
all the men are trying to find Ann and their quest brings them face to
face with many creatures that have one thing in common, they’re
all furious; if there’s one shot Jackson runs into the ground here
and then stomps on it, it’s tight shots of his actors suddenly widening
their eyes and backing away in mock terror as they continually have their
lives threatened by enormous cameras. 
Everything
in King Kong is oversized from the dinosaurs to the mosquitoes to the
running time and by the time they return to New York after cruelly smacking
Kong till he faints you’ll be wondering, as I was, if your rear
end decided to wait for you outside.
Back in The Big Apple, Kong is the star of a show saucily titled “Carl Denham’s Giant Monster” complete with choreography reminiscent of Chicago and compered by Carl who found time to get a tux but not a haircut. As I gave myself a manicure, Kong broke loose of his bike lock chains and proceeded to rampage around looking for Ann. Actually this sequence is really funny to watch as he scoops up one blonde after another and tosses them all aside because they’re not short enough, or funny enough. Up the Empire State he goes after Ann dramatically walks toward him out of some handy fog and just as things look to turn x-rated, the planes arrive and like DiCaprio’s just-die-will-you farewell in Titanic, Kong finally, yes finally, dies.
As
was expected, King Kong is an enormous, larger-than-life visual monster
of a movie that comes armed with something for everyone. Fast as lightning
character arcs and CGI for days, even the most gullible viewer will find
something to complain about whether it’s the curious disappearance
of that heavily pierced tribe or how very Jurassic Park all the angry
monsters are. As we all stumbled into the daylight yawning and realised
some 8 hours had passed, we wondered what might be next for this maverick
if verbose director and we all agreed he should take a long, long holiday.
It’s the least he can do after the way he’s behaved.
Michael Dalton
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King Kong
Director:
Peter Jackson
Cast: Naomi Watts, Jack Black, Adrien Brody, Thomas Kretschmann
and Colin Hanks
DVD release: 12 April 2006