Monster of a movie

Our rating:

Let me get this off my chest: I hated this movie. If the rating system of The Blurb allowed me to give a zero – or even a half – I’d be reducing the one star I’ve already allocated to Monster-in-Law. I hated this movie because I am still yet to be convinced that Jennifer Lopez can act (she’s the female version of Paul Walker). I hated this movie because Jane Fonda is an amazing actor and after fifteen years in the wilderness, this is what she chooses. I hated this movie because every character was a walking romantic-comedy cliché (another gay neighbour as the best friend? ARGH! Why!? Why!?) I hated this movie because the main character lives in an apartment she could not possibly afford. I hated this movie because the guy who falls in love with Charlotte (Lopez) is a doctor. Didn’t this happen in The Wedding Planner? In these movies the guy is often a doctor, in advertising, or a filthy rich businessman who has never truly been in love. Why can’t they fall in love with a brick-layer, a Big W sales assistant, or the guy who tests food additives for a living?

I hated this movie because it goes nowhere but well travelled territory. We know that Viola (Fonda) is eventually going to stop doing whatever she can to sabotage her son’s romance with Charlotte because she finally sees Charlotte for the warm, caring, wonderful person she is. I hated this movie because the characters never actually behave in a manner that the audience can relate to or consider in any way authentic or realistic. Why doesn’t Kevin (Michael Vartin) – the good doctor with a heart of gold – give his mum a good tongue-lashing or a swift kick to the head for the way she treats Charlotte? And why – oh why!? – would someone propose to their girlfriend while their mother is right there with them?

I hated this movie because it falls back on the “duck out of water” scene where Viola throws a party for Charlotte and Kevin – a party that is filled with rich and famous people in order to make Charlotte feel inferior and not worthy to be a member of the family. She is, after all, only a temp. In these sorts of movies, more often than not, the female lead is allowed to have a no-frills job. I hate that.

I hated this movie because it had a happy ending. Don’t get me wrong - I have nothing against happy endings. I always cry at the end of Sense & Sensibility (I wonder how many times I have mentioned that movie in my reviews?). I like happy endings. But I didn’t want Monster-in-Law to have a happy ending. I didn’t want Charlotte to marry the wimpy doctor, I didn’t want Fonda to redeem herself, and I didn’t want Kevin to have his prayers answered without putting up a fight. What I wanted was for Viola to go back to her drug-taking, alcoholic ways (at the beginning of the movie she has just come out of rehab) and in a rage of biblical proportions gun everyone down at the reception. Then the movie might have got two stars.

Jay Sivyer

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Monster in Law

Director: Robert Luketic
Cast: Jane Fonda, Jennifer Lopez, Michael Vartan
Release: 28 July 2005
Rated: M