The Losers

Director: Sylvian White
Cast: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Jason Patric, Chris Evans and Zoe Saldana
Releasing in cinemas: 27 May 2010
Rated: M

Really think I need to regress to thirteen to review some films adapted from action comic strips (now given the grandiose term, graphic novels). Admittedly many good ones like The Dark Knight can pull a wide audience, but against that there are those which really are only suited to the juvenile market. This is one such. I’m hazy about the finer points of the plot (if there are any) simply because I was unable to hear critical dialogue over the deafening music and sound effects.

The film has all the logic, character development, and violent action of a B-grade comic. The story doesn’t really matter when all around people are being decimated in a fury of visual diarrhea. Since when has plot been allowed to interfere with good old over-the-top action mayhem anyway.

The story as such follows the action adventures of a U.S. Special Forces Unit ‘The Losers’. This highly trained group lead by dedicated Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), with tough nut Roque (Idris Elba), sharpshooter Cougar (Oscar Jaenada), driver Pooch (Columbus Short) and technical wiz-kid Jensen (Chris Evans). Packed off to the Bolivian jungles on a search and destroy mission, they become the victims of a lethal betrayal, instigated by a mysterious and powerful enemy Max (Jason Patric).

Unfortunately 25 school children and a teddy bear are blown away in the bombing that follows, and our brave team set out to avenge these children’s deaths. Since The Losers are believed killed in the raid they have an element of surprise on their side, and also the dubious assistance of a hot little number Aisha (Zoe Saldana) who’s adept at severely damaging karate kicks.

Working under cover, The Losers intend to pursue and destroy mad Max with his Hitler complex. He’s developed a super weapon, called (incredibly) ‘Snook’. Considered the ultimate 21st century ‘green’ bomb, Snook can dissolve matter without leaving any mess to clean up. Predictably there are minor problems in the way of achieving Max’s demise, the most spectacular being the total destruction of a jet plane.

Under the helming of Sylvain White (Stomp the Yard), the film frequently loses its compass here. The script is by two writers who should know better - Peter Berg and James Vanderbilt, the man behind the thriller Zodiac. Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Watchmen) does a Robert Downey Jnr. without his screen charisma, while Jason Patric (In The Valley of Elah) is a most lethargic bad guy mincing around with a dud hand and a snooty look. While the team of The Losers seem to be stand-up guys, the lack of character development and flaky plot make modest use of the actors’ talents. Zoe Saldana (Avatar) fills the role of eye-candy and also manages a few music-video edited karate leaps.

In this brash and noisy excursion, the sometimes imaginative cinematography breaks into split-second, cut action sequences rendering confusion rather than clarity. Unlikely dialogue includes Zoe Saldana’s line “When I was little, I collected human ears”. Give me a break. You can depend on the rest of the dialogue also being mainly nonsense if you can hear it. To misquote Walt Disney, ‘It’s the implausible impossible’.

Please bring back Superman.

John Bale