Your TV questions answered

The first in an occasional - maybe extremely occasional - series

There are no dumb questions - just dumb shows

Sometimes in this crazy old world, there are moments that make you sit up and utter those three now-ubiquitous letters – “WTF?”. That this happens more with the world of Australian television than any other is perhaps the enduring mystery of our time.

Yes, it seems television gets people more fired up than an NRL player in a Kings Cross night club, especially when it comes to axing shows – something that happens with incredible regularity given that we only have 5 free-to-air networks.

So, to help everyone understand the machinations of Oz TV, I’ve compiled a relatively short list of some common questions that may help you make some sense of all this. Of course, if you have your own question about television, please feel free to email me at tv@theblurb.com.au.

Why is my favourite show not on any more?

Good question. There are a range of possible answers here. First, maybe the network has run out of episodes. Did you see it last week? Was it billed as the season final?

Is there something big happening in the meantime – like the Olympic Games for example? Often networks will suspend regular programming during these events and return to it once the event is over.

More likely though, it has been cut. That means simply that the network has decided not to air it any more.

Why would they do that?

Basically it comes down to money. At least on free-to-air TV, the show (unlike say the cinema or the theatre) is not an end in itself. No, it’s merely a vehicle for the network to sell advertising. It’s quite ingenious really. You, the punter, tune in because you’re interested in the show. The network however couldn’t really give a rat’s why, all they want to know is that you’re interested and will switch that show on. That then allows them to sell space within the show for advertising spots; so that some multinational conglomerate can convince you that a rug with sleeves is exactly the thing that you’re missing in your otherwise blissful existence. The more popular the show, the more demand for advertising and the more the network can charge. Simple really, isn’t it.

Anyway, so what happens is that when people start turning off a show (or just not turning on in the first place) it lessens the value of the advertising space within that show. When that reaches the point where it’s not sufficiently profitable for the network after paying royalties and copyright licensing fees, that’s typically when shows are dumped.

But, it was a good show…

Yes, but the sooner you understand that this is an economic, not an artistic, process, the easier it will be to move on.

Are the ads actually louder than the shows they’re in?

The networks (and ad agencies) swear black and blue they’re not; but experiential research (look it up) on my part suggests otherwise.

Why are the good shows on so late?

Remember the discussion above about economics? Right, well part of that economic equation is what’s called demographics – that is, who watches what show and when. I don’t think any TV exec would seriously disagree with me when I say that the demographic they crave the most is the LCD or lowest common denominator. In other words, they want a show that appeals to the most basic needs of the audience so that more people will watch. It’s all about eyeballs in front of screens.

Stay with me here. OK, so networks want more people to watch television. When do they want them to watch? Between about 6 p.m. and about 8.30 p.m. Why? Because that’s the key family time. Before 6, most adults are still at or getting home from work (leaving that space for kids programming and daytime soaps). After 8.30, most kids have gone to bed; and many adults with demanding jobs are thinking about doing the same thing.

This is important because it captures two key demographic elements – adults who have buying power; and kids who have pester power. That’s why ads for food are big in this time slot – because kids can pester their parents for the latest ice confection; and the next time mum or dad are at the supermarket, they’ll probably buy it.

However, couples and singles will also be watching during this time; so they’re captured too. And that’s why it’s called “prime time”.

Anyhow, in order to get all these eyeballs (kids, parents, couples, singles, grandparents etc) in front of a TV screen requires something that appeals to the LCD. You can’t put a violent cop show on, because parents won’t let kids watch. Similarly, if you tried whacking Sesame Street on, all the adults would turn off. Anything too controversial and you risk alienating sections of the audience (particular religious or political groups, for example); anything too highbrow and you're the ABC. So during prime time, everything tends to be pretty inoffensive and often quite bland, so that no one will be offended or feel the need to turn off for whatever reason.

So if you want something more serious or controversial, something with violence, sexual references or strong language (which, let’s face it, tend to be the rather more interesting shows) you’re going to have to wait until prime time is over.

Who makes these weird programming decisions?

Despite rumours of trained monkeys working in the programming departments of major Australian networks, nothing has so far been proved.

But seriously, as I’ve outlined extensively above, the bean-counters are hard at work weaving their dark art over the schedules of our major channels.

Will complaining to the network about taking my show off do any good?

Ah, no. But if it makes you feel better, then go for it.

Can I do anything about it?

Well, maybe you can. If you have a computer with an Internet connection (which presumably you do, since you’re reading this) and especially if your show was produced overseas, you can check its official website to see what’s happening. If it’s ceased production overseas, the chances are it won’t be back here.

Some sites however will allow you to watch online episodes you may have missed, which may be some consolation. Note however that many US networks don’t allow this option to overseas visitors.

Another option is to buy the DVD of your show from a retailer like Amazon or ezydvd (but note overseas release dates are usually a fair way ahead of Australian ones). If you’re buying an overseas DVD, always check the regional coding to make sure it’s compatible with your DVD player.

Services are also emerging that will allow you to buy and digitally download single episodes rather than having to fork for the whole series on DVD (iTunes is arguably leading the way here).

All of this is predicated on you doing the right thing and accessing your show legally. If you’re not, then I don’t want to know about it. Lalalalalala - see, I'm not listening...

What about pay TV?

Yes, a good option if you can afford it. Not only do you get lots of stuff that just doesn’t show up on network TV, some quality shows that the networks have dumped end up there. Weeds is a good example.

I’d say if you’re seriously into movies, sport or kids programming, then pay TV is basically a must. You just won’t get the stuff you want on free-to-air. If you can’t manage it financially however, then you’re going to have to put up with the vagaries of the networks.

Phil James

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